Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
