If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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