i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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