What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
