Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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