apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
