I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
