I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
