I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
