i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
