This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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