even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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