Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
