i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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