I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
two words...techno handjob
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
