Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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