Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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