I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
