What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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