Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
