whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
