Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
