One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
