let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
