Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
