Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hate all girls vehemently.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We had sex on a dog bed..
Randomize
