she was so not down for the gang bang
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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