There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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