walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
