I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
