Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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