So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
