So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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