I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
