hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
