They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
