i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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