Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I want is dick and wine.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
