Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
