Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
