i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
