theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
