Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
