she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
