I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
