Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
