he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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