I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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