butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
