I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
