i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
