Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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