theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
