3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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