i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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