Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
