my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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