Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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