I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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