Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm eating all of the evidence.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
