come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
