all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
