I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Randomize
