On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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