It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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