It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
handjob tips. give me some.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
