My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
