super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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