DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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