a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
