my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
