If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
