so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
4 words: hood of his car
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
