You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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