I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
