so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
