have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
