her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
