you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
