so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
