if you like me you must not know who I am
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
