dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
