allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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