It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They have beer where we have blood.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
