I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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