Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You're like the curious george of whores
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
