Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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