dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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