well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
